Guest blogger Valentine here. Dave’s going to be out of service for a while, as he fractured the head of his radial bone recently and is sitting around in a sling. Which, naturally, leaves him unable to type or write or any of those other things he likes to do, so it falls to me to keep this old thing going. Apparently he was on his way to the Night Ride, some critical mass type thing, except he was wearing a skirt and wig. And there were donuts in there somewhere. He should be out of commission for a few weeks at least, and in the interim I'll be here keeping you posted on his recovery and talking shop. When I'm not fetching him numerous cups of tea or helping him change in and out of his pants. He's quite needy.
Sooooo… I’ve been reading over these pages and again and again I’m struck by how much repetition goes on around here. Me and the rest of the boys in the office don’t interfere too much. But if you ask me, he should have a sounding board or an editor to work them over before these blogs go to press. The kinds of things people do when no one's looking, I tell you. They get away with the worst sorts of whining and self-indulgence, no one there to give them a good smack in the eye. Unchecked, rampant whining always ensues. Poor poor me, and so on. We see it all the time.
Last week I was trying to talk some sense into him. Listen, I said, you’ve got to try to look at things positively. See, he’s been griping that with his dominant arm out, he’s stuck in doors all day, can’t ride, can’t work, can’t do this or that. But you and I know as well as anything that when you can do anything you want, nothing standing between you and your slightest whim, well, then it just doesn’t seem so interesting. Loan that book or movie out, and bam, that’s the one you wanted for this evening. It never fails.
I tried to explain this to him. But if there’s anything I can say about that boy, it’s that he’s got a resistance to anything that might actually help him like nothing I’ve ever seen. Anything that can feed the inactivity or keep him from getting on with his life, he’s on it like flies on shit.
Take this past blog here, the one about ‘inquisitors.’
Okay, okay, I can appreciate the sentiment. But.
First of all, we’re all human. We’re not perfect. Can’t expect to be saints. But it’s pretty convenient to set these impossible goals and standards for yourself if you’re really determined to keep on sitting around getting a whole lot of nothing done.
It’s one thing to want to change, I don’t begrudge anyone the desire to be a better person or improve things about themselves they’re unhappy with. But, and I feel like I’ve said this a million times, you’ve got to look out for the point where your good intentions twist around into these nefarious agents of distraction and deception. You might think you’re doing the right thing, but really you’re just killing more time, baby. See it for what it is.
It’s a bitch though. The worst is always the kind of thing that disguises itself as a virtue or a useful activity. So I told him: all your ‘inquiry,’ all your ‘need for understanding’: what is the fucking point? I mean really.
He stammered something about getting to the roots and changing the principles, and whimpering about his arm.
I just sat there and listened. It’s a beautiful and true thing that when people are full of shit eventually they’ll just run out of words, or steam, or whatever it may be, and find themselves running into the proverbial wall. Their argument just doesn’t hold up. It looks good on a piece of paper, and maybe flashed across this here internet. But really, when you get down to practical application, it just falls apart.
He got real quiet at that point. God, I live for those moments.
Anyway, like I was saying earlier: here you are in this predicament, right? You’ve got nothing but time. Stop kidding yourself. See your tendencies for what they are. And bottom line:
Something only matters inasmuch as it helps you along. Otherwise, fuck it. You don’t need to scour the meaning out of every little thing, and you don’t need to pace around endlessly to make sure your every deed and thought is pure and genuine. That’s a lot of wanking, if you ask me.
Maybe with him unable to go anywhere he’ll finally get around to facing that.
So, like I said, I’ll be maintaining the blog while his arm heals. It’s good to watch him, having to do everything one-handed, hopping around, generally disheveled and unshaven. I keep telling him to make the best of what could be called a shitty set of circumstances. To keep on looking for the silver lining.
It’s there, you know. It’s always there. We just need a reminder from time to time. And he wouldn’t like to hear it, but you can’t deny: sometimes life gives you just what you need, whether you like it or not.
Boy it’s hot out today. Time for some bubble tea.
Thursday, July 13, 2006